Hey Kris. Thank you again so much for the Science and the Bible series you have been doing. I had offered earlier a critique saying that I would prefer more pure science and less philosophy. Although, I love geeking out about seeing God in scientific wonders, and would truly love to hear more of that. I think part of my lack of excitement over the philosophical questions of “Why am I here?” came from my lack of excitement over the answers that ran through my mind when those questions were presented.
I’m a 65 year old man who found God during my freshman year in college. Things started great with excitement, joy, and a passionate growing faith. I found a beautiful woman who shared my beliefs and passions and we married. What followed was decades of being in controlling, work- churches that tore us apart spiritually rather than build us up. We never felt good enough or able to do enough to feel like we offered any value to the church much less to God. Although, deep inside we knew that something was wrong, we just assumed that we were the problem and not the church or God. This went on until one Sunday service I felt like a switch got flipped on and I looked around and realized that God wasn’t there. He wasn’t in that church and hadn’t been for a long time. So we left to go find God. We tried several churches after that and mostly came away with the thought that churches stink and God is good. After living without being involved in any kind of church, I recently told my wife that I couldn’t live like this anymore and needed to find a church. We tried a church that I had been feeling drawn to for a while, and immediately felt God’s presence and found a home.
I bore you with all of that to say that here I sit listening to those questions an old man whose future days are significantly less than the days past, whose children are not particularly faithful because they are full of church hurt, and little hope that the mess of my life can be salvaged for any value offered up to God. I feel like when it’s my turn to stand before God. All I will have to offer Him is a shattered life that was His original desire for my life that I have taped up and super glued as best as I can. I’m confident that He will accept that. Be happy that I’m there. But wishing I had done better with what I had been given.
When I shared these thoughts with my wife that your questions had driven to the surface, she pointed out that we have a need to fill in our church and a skill set we have acquired to fill those needs. We have seen it all, fought through it all, struggled, screwed up, fought some more, and have come through with a deeper and more resilient faith than ever that God is the one who is in all, over all, and loves all. And we find ourselves with people who need some of that in their lives to KNOW that God will see them through as he has seen us through. Pain having found a purpose. Imagine that. Maybe the life that I feel has been shattered and ruined has been what was planned all along. I look forward to finding that out one day.
Thanks again for asking the questions whose answers I didn’t want to consider.